dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
