hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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