I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
