bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
