dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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