I must be too annoying 4 u.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
