can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
