I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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