you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
