I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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