The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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