Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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