I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
