also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
