I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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