I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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