i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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