Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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