before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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