I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
