It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
