I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
