life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
