oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
