Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
