chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
