...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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