Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
