I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
