Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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