i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
