Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
