The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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