i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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