Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
