I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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