Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
