I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize