its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
