On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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