Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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