Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
