the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my shit smells like andre
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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