shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
