I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
