He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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