You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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