I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
