summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
