Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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