he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
