I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
