Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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