Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
