What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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