is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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