So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize