WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
