if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
